Sunday night rolls around again…

 It’s the middle of January certainly not my favorite time of the year the trees are dead, grass is dead , the sun is dead…. My sunny disposition is certainly dead. But spring will come again soon. And then the warm sunshine. I cannot wait. Almost makes it good enough to want to live.

You know it is sad. In the same family. That, even though you were raised by the same parents, they are not really the same. as the years passed by and more and more children come along. Things changed. Our parents changed.

 That, even though you were raised by the same parents, they are not really the same, As the years passed by and more and more children come along.My parents learned so much more.

I was one of the younger sets of children.. Seems like we were kind of born and bunches of three.  my oldest sibling Patsy, Richard and Clayton certainly had a different father than I had. He was much stricter with them . He did not have as much patience. He spank them, and was just a more harsh person at that time.

 I think even Fleta and Betty really had a different father than me . By the time Daddy got to me he had learned a lot. He was softer hearted he really realized what a special gift from God a child was and he certainly did his best to take care of us.

By the time sister Debbie come along with her mental issues she had. I think our daddy felt what a really special wonderful gift from God. A child was. Plus he really then thought that she was his main purpose. He may of even thought… so this is why I was put on this earth.

I also think by the time Gilbert come along. Mom and dad were just plain  tired. Gilbert had a lot more freedom. But I also do not believe he got all the attention from daddy that the rest of us got. I’m sure he didn’t play Chase and the yard with him. And  other things he did with us. I doubt if he played checkers. Heard all the stories that he told us about when he was growing up. And how his parents were with him. So anyway, I think Gilbert really lost out.

All of my siblings have very different feelings growing up one from most of them. Me, I knew we were very poor. I foolishly wished for material things. I remember eating the same food over and over… and I do mean cornbread and milk EVERY night. But I don’t really remember being really hungry like some of my siblings. I remember fearing when mom and daddy fussed and mama crying but I never thought Daddy was going to leave us. I never wondered where will I sleep tonight. I always knew my mom would be home every day when I got off the school bus. And I AlWAYS remember if anything scared me at school I knew when I got home I would always be safe… no longer afraid… and I felt peace… 

I did often wonder if it was the home place that made me feel so safe or was it mom and Daddy… well it was both, But a lot was the security of the home place. Because even today no matter what is happening outside the home place when I get home I am at piece and feel safe..  and nothing feels better…