My Childen's Father..

My Sister Betty as a joke put a picture of Elvis's head on Mikes body after I told her Mama always cut the OUT-LAW out of the picture after the divorce...Betty deleted the post and here was her response.

Helen, Larry said that post was not respectful to your children. he said...kids love their Daddy...so I told him he could delete it.

And Larry was right. You know I did not live close to Betty and so it was not easy to know what her life was really like. You never really know what a person goes through till you have walked in their shoes. I do know that Betty's girls are crazy about their Daddy. I always come back to that and think Larry can't be to bad or those girls and Grand Kids would not be so crazy over him and him so crazy over them.

It is true my kids love their Daddy. They are not crazy over him and I do not think any one of them would say he loves them. I think that is natural that a child wants the love and approval of their Father. My Children never had that. Yes Michael worked and always made most of the money. Which he was ALWAYS quick to remind all of us about that. His favorite saying was..."IT IS MINE BECAUSE I PAID FOR IT!" Notice I did caps all of that because it was always a yell anytime he spoke to any of us. This did not matter if it was a Bike Bill got for Christmas, or a note book the kids used for school work, or even the food we ate. He never GAVE anything...to any of us. EVERYTHING was ALWAYS his.Least of all he never gave his Kids or Grand kids love. Any time he spent with them I goaded him into doing and it was always for the camera or when someone was around. Which as with most dysfunctional families no one was around very often.

For a few years, maybe 5 Mike worked out of town 2 weeks every month. Kris was about 12 so Bill would have been about 6. I talked to the kids about this several years ago, after they were grown. They all thought, as I did, this was the best time of our lives. Things were calm and peaceful when he was gone. I cried when he told me he was going to quit going out of town. He said he was tired of it. He always got to stay in a very upscalle hotel, and had a good food allowance, and did as he wanted. He told me it was a lot of trouble being out of town. When I asked him why it was a lot of trouble I remember very well what he replied...He said..'Because I have to figure out what I am going to eat every night and I have to decide where I am going to go to eat.'

Missy told me once our dysfunctional family was not like a friend of hers. She said at her Friends house sometime her Daddy would come home and be mad or drunk. You never knew how he was going to be when he walked through the door. But Missy said there was never any question when Daddy walked into the house how his mood would be...It was ALWAYS loud and ugly and mean.....My Kids had very few friends over to the house because of this.

During the growing up years of my kids I would send the girls into their rooms when Mike would start a rant about something they had or had not done. Which might be as little as having a toy laying in the living room floor and I mainly did all of their punishments. And they would pretty much mind me and do as I asked or told them. But Bill was different. When he was 14 he stood toe to toe with me and told me he was not going to help me clean the yard. I thought Mike should take more of a hand in trying to raise him. This was a big mistake on my part.

He beat Bill with a belt once that he had so many bruises he could not go to school... Bill was in Grade school at the time.I let this happen and I have to live with this.

I told Mike many times I understood how he could hate me. We really were no kin...no blood there...but I could never understand how he could not love his kids or Grand Kids...Out of all of the mean things he did to me the thing I dislike him most for, is him not loving his kids and Grand kids.

He has told me Hundreds of times , my kids are just liers, they are no good, they do not think anything of him and this is because of me, he never got to spend any time with them because he worked...They've never amounted to anything, and on and on...He kicked Bill out of the house when he was just barely 17. Missy took him in and looked after him. Bill worked days and went to school at nights. Missy was a full time student at the time. I worked at AT&T and paid 1/3 of their rent and food. Mike did not know that. There are many things I did for my kids that Mike never knew about...Like letting them eat out of the frig without asking of they could have something to eat. He always thought the kids and grand kids should ask before they got to eat anything, after all it WAS his food.

A few months ago when Cavalcant told me I might live as long as 3 more years and I told him I could not live with my husband for 3 more years. He asked me if one of my kids could speak to my husband and reason with him. I told him no he would not listen to them at all. He then said , 'You have a grown son, couldn't he talk to him?' and I said, "Mike hates him worst of all." And that is true, Bill has always had it the worst. And he has always wanted his Dad's love the most.

When Patsy came to visit me several years ago, about '95. She told me at the time she thought I always had a good life because Mike worked. She then told me she now thought I had a worse life than her. Could you even imagine that, Sisters. I'll bet that surprises you. I do not really know if my life was worse than hers or not, but I do know this. I stayed with an abusive man for 38 and 1/2 years. I stayed for security and because I thought it was best for my kids. After they were grown I realized the very reason I stayed with him was the very reason I should have left. After they were grown I thought what's the use in leaving now. But when I became so sick 3 years ago and just did not have the strength to try to stand up to him anymore things got even worse. I could tell you things you would not believe in your wildest dreams. But still I could even see how he could hate me that much But I will never understand how he could treat his own flesh and blood the way he has treated them..

Please do not think I had no part in this. It was my own fault. I am to Blame.I should have been stronger, I should have protected my kids better. I should have been smarter. I should have left him years ago when the kids were small, but I was afraid. And I have to live with knowing that every day of my life. We all have our burdens to bare.