I seem to be having a great deal of problems sleeping I quit taking those Ambian CR's because although I slept great and loved it because it was just like passing out the next day I did not have a clear brain where I could not put 2 thoughts together,...and it just kept getting worse...I still get the prescription filled just in case I decide again I would like to 'check out' of the real life for awhile. So Erin told me to take those over the counter...something that starts with an m...I take those occasionally maybe once a week or so after I have gone days with an hr or 2 of sleep...It helps me sleep but I also fall asleep the next day as soon as I sit still... so I don't like that either..
So tonight I did something very stupid and something I had never done before and got on Google and looked up life expectancy for stage 4 breast HER 2 cancer...Boy what a mistake that was. Now I am really praying that heart gives out quick...
Patsy wrote me a letter in 95 and she said I had better not die before her. I did not even know I had cancer then. and I am really worried about little Gilbert...I think something is wrong with him ... well, I will just tell you I did look the best of all of us in out recent family pictures and since I am so bad off all I can say is the rest of you may be in grave danger...Grave danger, is that a play on words....
Today I woke up and was so relieved I only had 2 appointments this whole week but by 7 AM I was thinking there is a support group in Mesa that starts at 10 and I could go to that....Then I came back to reality and decided I need to rest....
Tomorrow is Wed. I get Austin for a few hours. See life is good...Then Thursday to get through and them Mikes off to the plane.
For a week....
This morning I went in Benjamin's room to get his clothes picked out and I looked at him sleeping and thought what an Angel ... Then he woke up and was a TAD bit ugly and I thought. It's a shame I can not just slow down going by his school and kick him to the curb... But we were early and the gates were not open so we sat in the car and read the Cat in the Hat and he was all in good spirits again. I thought if his Teacher knew what I knew this morning she would really appreciate me working to get him in a good mood so she did not have to hear him all day. Sometimes he takes after his Mother....
4 comments:
I guess if we can't sleep we will not get the wish to 'just die in my sleep'!
One day at a time is my slogan.
I just use regular Ambian and 2 Aleve for the pain in my joints...works well for me. I take the ambian about 1 hour before bed....wow kiddo, you sure are in my prayers
So Helen, have you tried the medical version of marijuana? I use klonipin, but what have you got to lose if it works. Heck even in your part of the country you could get some Peyote Buttons, they won't make you sleep, but it won't bother you to stay awake either.
Hope you are doing good today.
Sept. 13, 2010
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